sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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