operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
