I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
