look no pants
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
