so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
