don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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