remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
