Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
