They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
