he puts the penis in happiness.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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