I wanna passion pit in your ass
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
