we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
