Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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