I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize