I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
we're making bets on your personal life
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
