remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
