I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
