i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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