This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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