You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
