a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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