Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
