i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
