with your own penis?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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