I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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