well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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