I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
