u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize