Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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