you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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