I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
