i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
