I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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