Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
