Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
