I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
