I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
