dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
