thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
