listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
