How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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