therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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