So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
