Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
