The maid of honor just puked.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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