Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
