I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
