the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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