I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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