Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
