My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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