i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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