just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
is it fun? or sober?
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