I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she peed on how many people?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So here I am, sexting at work.
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