The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
