you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
