Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
