tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize