I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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