What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
