So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize