Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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