Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
