if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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