Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
