You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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