You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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