1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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