My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
