I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
