So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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