perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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