one two three fourrrrnication!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
