There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
